Our lives have been crazy busy lately. Whose hasn’t, am I right? Over the last couple months we have had school events, PTA meetings, church retreats, dance class, homework, illness, housework, and the list goes on and on and on. All leading to a general lack of time or motivation to keep up with exercise. On my drive home from work yesterday I realized how gorgeous the last evening of summer was. All I wanted was to get outside, take a break from EVERYTHING and enjoy it!
So I did. I got home. I asked hubby if he was cool with eating dinner a little bit later, which, of course, he was (that awesome man of mine). I changed out of my work clothes and into my running shorts. Side note…my dog totally knows when we are going for a run. She starts going nuts the minute I put on my work-out clothes. It’s pretty hilarious. Anyway, I grabbed my water bottle and then the dog and I headed out the door. Nothing fancy. Not enough time to drive out to a trail. It was a simple road run, but it was EXACTLY what I needed.
My runs are where I find clarity. There are days when I don’t mind the road runs because they are obviously less technical than a trail run. I don’t have to concentrate so much on where my feet are going or worry about stabbing my eye with a tree branch. It’s kind of nice because my brain can go wherever it wants to go. I can think without interruptions about whatever pops in my head. I can be angry without having to rationalize. I can feel without guilt. I can have thoughts without having to talk about them. I can have conversations with myself and work through my own mental struggles or emotional hurdles.
Those hurdles seem to show up all over the place. It’s exhausting. Am I a good mom? Am I a loving wife? Am I a considerate daughter? Am I valued? Do I respect others? Am I teaching my children virtue? Am I helpful? Am I patient? Am I enough? I have so many questions and so many concerns reeling in my head all the time. I feel like it’s because there is so much pressure to be perfect at everything. And from who? Other moms, coworkers, church acquaintances…all people who haven’t really taken the time to get to know me. When I’m running I can let it all go. It’s just me and the dog. I don’t have to impress anyone. I don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations but my own. I don’t worry about other people’s opinions of me or thoughts of who they think I am. I can just be.
Aside from the mental release, there’s something so exhilarating about running. Yes, it is hard. Yes, sometimes I can’t breathe and I need to walk for a bit so I can catch my breath. Yes, my muscles burn. Yes, I get all sweaty and stinky. Yes, it is worth it! I can’t tell you how giddy I get when I notice my own improvement. It is thrilling when I can go a longer distance or knock a few seconds off my time. It makes me want to do more. It boosts my confidence and makes me feel strong. I get to push myself and I get to see and feel real results. It’s awesome!
My runs are my time to better myself. The 30 – 40 minutes of self-indulgence is not selfishness. It’s taking care of myself. When I run I’m taking care of my body. I’m taking care of my spirit. I’m taking care of my mind. I’m allowing myself to be my own person. When I take the time to do that, it allows me to be better at all of the other things I worry I’m not good enough at.
Like I said, last night’s run was exactly what I needed. I needed to take time to reflect on everything going on right now. I needed to relieve some of the stress that has been creeping into our lives more and more. I needed to think about the grief I usually feel this time of year. I needed to be ok doing something alone since we’ve had less and less time with friends lately. I needed to remind myself how strong I am. I needed to reassure myself that I am doing ok.